Cosmic Love
by Maririn
Summary: Heero prepares to disappear post-Endless Waltz when he receives a promise and a challenge from Duo. So begins Heero's journey to find himself through time and space. A series of vignettes inspired by the song "Cosmic Love".
1. Falling Star

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Gundam Wing. "Cosmic Love" was written by Florence Welch and Isabella Summers. This is NOT a songfic. No copyright infringement intended.

Premise: A series of loosely interconnected vignettes that follow Heero as he struggles to find himself after the events of Endless Waltz. Inspired by the song "Cosmic Love" by Florence + The Machine. Each vignette will be titled and themed after a lyric from the song.

Pairings: 2 + 1

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><p><em><strong>Cosmic Love: A Falling Star<strong>_

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><p><em>He was drained. <em>

He had been released from the hospital less than a week ago. The doctors and nurses had fussed, the media had clamoured for his story and the Preventers had begged him to join. He had left that all behind and did what he did best.

_He disappeared. _

From the shadows he had watched as people had thrown down their weapons, embraced the peace and looked to the future. From the shadows he had watched as families reunited, crying tears of happiness. From the shadows he watched as Relena triumphed once more, her message of absolute pacifism becoming the anthem of the people.

_He was obsolete. _

The Perfect Soldier was not needed in these times of peace, his presence would mar the serenity, stain the calm with the memory of violence and bloodshed. Yet as humanity continued its endless waltz, he knew the tides would shift and unrest would bubble to the surface. And when the tumultuous seas broke, he would once again re-emerge, a sacrifice for the people. But until then, he would not exist.

_He was nameless. _

He was prepared to vanish, to eliminate all traces of his assumed identity, to become a ghost with no ties or obligations. Yet the day he set out to fade from existence, a message had arrived. Somehow _he _always managed to find him.

01

Meet me at the Planetarium. URGENT

02

With heavy feet, he had dragged himself to the assigned location, wondering what could possibly have alarmed Shinigami. The threat had been eliminated, the Gundams destroyed and the five disbanded. He had confirmed it with his own two eyes; all discord had been wiped from the face of the Earth. He wouldn't be leaving otherwise.

_He had no home. _

Wearily he trudged into the darkened theatre, his tired eyes locating the tell-tale braided head sitting in the very centre of all the seats, exposed and vulnerable. After a moment of hesitation, he made his way towards his former comrade. When Duo made no move to look at him, he took the seat next to him, his worn body sinking into the cushions, a dead weight.

_He hated wide open spaces._

"It's so easy to hide here isn't it?" Duo finally spoke after a great length of silence, his face upturned and his gaze fixed on the darkened dome above him.

"Where?" His voice sounded hollow, even to him.

"In the darkness." Duo's face was encased in shadows, only his faintly glinting eyes visible in the dim light.

"Why am I here?"

"To watch the show." Duo replied simply, his gaze never leaving the blackened dome.

"You said it was urgent."

"You wouldn't have come otherwise. I designed it myself, the show I mean. I wanted you to watch it with me."

"I'm leaving." He stood to leave but warm callused fingers wrapped around his cold, bony wrist.

_He was so cold. _

"Sit," Duo commanded sharply. "After that sucker punch on L3-X18999, you owe me that much."

"It was for your own good."

"I know," Duo replied easily. "But you were the one who asked for my help, and the least you could have done was given me a heads up on the change of plan."

He remained silent; he had no answers for Duo.

"Got nothing to say Heero?" Duo chuckled darkly. "No worries buddy, you'll learn how to apologize properly one day, and I don't mean offering to let people kill you."

He tensed, visions of innocents whose deaths he was responsible for flashing before his eyes, a smiling girl and her puppy at the forefront.

_He was a murderer. _

"Don't call me that, Heero Yuy is merely a codename."

"So?" Duo shrugged, finally turning his head to face him. "Duo Maxwell isn't my real name either but I think it suits me just fine. And Heero Yuy suits you just fine too. Besides, it's how I'll remember you. How we'll all remember you."

"What do you mean?"

"You're going to disappear again aren't you?" Duo's large eyes gazed at him intently, unblinking. "Hide underground until you're needed again."

"What I do from now on doesn't concern you."

"What you're about to do isn't living Heero, it's merely existing. Being an empty shell, I wouldn't call that a life." Duo's eyes remained fastened to his, their focus stern and unwavering.

He turned his head away, breaking eye contact. He didn't want or need Duo's sympathy. He knew where his path lay, what he needed to do.

_His world was black and white._

"You deserve more Heero. You brought Wufei back from the brink, showed him a brighter future. Quatre believes you're the heart of space. And Trowa," Duo broke down and laughed. "Trowa said you told him to follow his emotions. So why are you so determined to shut yourself away?"

He remained mute, staring straight ahead. Next to him, he felt Duo sigh and turn his gaze heavenward once more.

"And is this what your emotions are telling you to do?" Duo asked, his voice low, barely a whisper.

"I have no emotions left to feel."

_His soul was void. _

Duo sighed again, deeper this time. "Whatever you say buddy, let's just watch the show shall we?" Leaning back against his chair, Duo clasped his hands behind his head and smiled faintly.

He too leaned back in resignation, his gaze shifting upwards for the first time.

_He was surrounded by darkness._

The soft strumming of the harp filtered into the air around him as tiny pinpricks of light appeared in the darkness. Constellations began to take shape as a soft soothing voice sang the opening lines of a poignant melody. The moon rose slowly from the east, radiating a deep amber as she rose above the horizon. A soft drumbeat joined the haunting melody, a living heartbeat thrumming under his feet.

The music amplified in volume as the moon rose higher in the sky and lost her colour, her appearance taking on a pale, spectral quality. The stars brightened and dimmed with the beating drums, small clusters of shooting stars sporadically flitting across the screen. The moon continued her arching trek across the sky, passing through patches of stardust, her shadows changing shape as she rose.

He glanced out of the corner of his eye at his companion, his cherub face tilted towards the sky. He watched as the dancing lights played across Duo's striking features. The pert nose, its bridge slightly crooked from where it had been broken. The rounded cheeks that dimpled when he smiled had lost some of their fullness since the first war. The supple lips that were so often curled into a wide grin were split from where Duo had bitten them during the last battle. And his eyes, his too wide eyes caught every glint of light, and glowed with an intensity brighter than any star. Heero felt himself being pulled towards the light in Duo's eyes, like a moth to the flame. And just like a flame, those eyes had the power to extinguish his meagre existence.

Suddenly he was flying towards the moon, her barren scars laid bare to his gaze. With a sharp twist he was veering away, he was rushing past her pockmarked surface, tumbling through the asteroids and past the planets. The soothing voice turned powerful, climbing and twirling above the pounding of the drums. The stars were no longer pinpricks of light but long glowing streaks as he shot headlong into oblivion. Leaving the solar system behind, he crashed headlong into a multi-coloured nebula. He fell and spun endlessly, surrounded by vivid hues and explosions of sound.

_He was falling._

The powerful voice became an anguished cry and he plummeted. He plummeted into a void, blackness so deep that it pervaded his very being. Silence reigned and he was once again trapped in the darkness, his heartbeat ringing in his ears, even though the drumbeat had vanished.

_He was suffocating._

The gentle voice returned once more, in the faintest of whispers. Far above him, a glowing red star materialized from the dark, bathing the sky in its crimson hue. A single heartbeat reverberated through the air, the star oscillating with its rhythm. A second heartbeat and the star shattered into five falling stars, each blazing its own path across the sky.

"This is where it all began." Duo's breath was hot in his ear. "This is where we were reborn, into falling stars. We fell with no one to catch us, we fell to crash and burn, to stumble and find our own way."

He wanted to turn and push Duo away, to escape his burning heat, to prevent the stirrings in his heart. He couldn't. He couldn't push him away, he couldn't stop his words from tearing his soul open and he couldn't tear his gaze away from the sky.

The falling stars faded from sight and he was falling again. The haunting melody was back, overwhelming his senses as drums and harps collided. He plunged through clouds of stardust, past jumbles of nebulae, colours spinning past his vision, time and space but a memory. Planets from other galaxies orbited around him as shooting stars chased him across the sky. The soaring voice was calling him, pulling him, pushing him through this endless journey.

_He had lost control. _

"I don't regret any of it, not a single moment." Duo's breath stirred his hair, sending shivers down his spine. "I would live it again, over and over, endlessly and without regret."

"Why?" he pushed past his constricting throat.

"Because I met you."

He tore his eyes away from the sky and flinched. Duo was much closer than he expected; his usually jovial features were serious and his eyes glowed luminously in the dark.

"I'll always be there for you Heero. I'll always be your friend, even more if want."

Duo's lips were hot against his, branding him with their caress. It was a fleeting kiss, barely more than a mere brush of lips yet it burned him to the core, igniting a spark deep within. He immediately tamped down on the emotion, banishing the feeling to the darkness. Even the darkness, although muted, it obstinately continued to burn.

_He was burning alive._

"You'll always be Heero Yuy to me. And when you finally decide that you want to live life rather than merely exist, you know where to find me." Duo rose from his seat, taking his warmth with him.

He watched as Duo walked away from him, his back straight and braid waving like a pendulum to the beating of the drums.

"I'll be waiting Heero, for as long as it takes."

No farewells or blessings. With his open promise, Duo was gone.

He continued to freefall, the stars spinning around him as he flew through time and space. And through it all the drums continued to beat an endless heartbeat.

_His heart beat alone._

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><p><em>AN: I've been listening to "Cosmic Love" on repeat and this vignette demanded to be written. I'm aiming for a different writing style than my usual. I promised myself that I wouldn't start anything else until I finished "Applesseds" but promises are so easily broken. I will still continue to update "Appleseeds" while this series will be updated at a less frequent pace. <em>

_Thanks for reading!_

_Reviews are like food to a starving man. Feed a starving soul? _


	2. In this Twilight

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Gundam Wing. "Cosmic Love" was written by Florence Welch and Isabella Summers. This is NOT a songfic. No copyright infringement intended.

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><p><em><strong>Cosmic Love: In this Twilight<strong>_

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><p><em>He was waiting.<em>

He wandered slowly along the beach, the waves lapping hungrily at his feet. The air was frigid but he ignored it, refusing to allow himself the comfort of warmth. His gaze unfocused, he watched vacantly as the waves washed up and down the shore, entranced by the moon's gravitational pull. He wondered what force it was that pulled him to the ocean. It wasn't the moon's hypnotic charm; he was not easily swayed like the ocean's tides. No, it was something much deeper than that.

It wasn't the vastness of the swelling seas; the oceans were formidable but compared to the cosmos, ultimately inconsequential. It wasn't the foreign terrain of water. He understood what water was, its molecular composition, and it was nothing fascinating. The oceans were nothing more than Hydrogen and Oxygen molecules, liberally interspersed with salt, Sodium Chloride. He did not fear the ocean; outer space posed far more risks than a simple drowning. In fact, when immersed in water, it was oddly reminiscent of floating in zero gravity. Space was deeply ingrained in his very being, from when he would gaze out of a ship's portholes as a child, or float aimlessly along a ship's winding corridors.

No, he decided, his inexplicable attraction to those crashing waves stemmed from his first contact with the Earth. He remembered clearly the despair he felt as he and Wing fell off course and crashed into the ocean. The despair had intensified when he had realized that he had been discovered, by an innocent girl no less. But despair was an emotion unbefitting of a Perfect Soldier. He had pushed it aside and raced to destroy all evidence of his failed mission. He hadn't been able to kill the girl though, so he had run.

_He was flawed._

Disastrous circumstances dictated that he meet the girl again. For one reason or another, she chose not to reveal their initial meeting at the beach. He ignored her; his main concern was the vulnerability of his fallen Gundam. With all haste he had returned to the ocean, intent on destroying the valuable machine. She, in a predictably foolish manner, had chosen to follow him. What she wanted from him, he didn't know. Yet as he trained the muzzle of his gun on her, not even his well-honed instincts could force him to pull the trigger. His hesitation was all the opportunity that madly grinning fool needed to enter the scene.

Duo had shot him twice. Once to get him away from the girl, the second time to keep him away from his gun. He had never seen such marksmanship before; nor did he expect to find it in the form of a chatty buffoon with grand delusions of being a knight dashing to a helpless maiden's rescue. As she later demonstrated, s_he _was most definitely not a helpless maiden. That didn't mean she never needed to be rescued. She did, and for some unknown reason, he was compelled to rescue her each and every time.

_He was conflicted. _

He had rescued Duo once. He had meant to kill him yet once again he failed to pull the trigger. He could still clearly remember the stench of blood and sweat that had pervaded the cell. Duo's face was sunken and hollow, bruises and cuts contrasting with the pallor of his skin. Even in pain and staring death in the face, Duo didn't cease his jesting. And not for a moment did Duo believe that he would pull the trigger. For some mystifying reason, Duo trusted him. Not even the blatant theft Deathscythe's parts or a hostile attitude deterred Duo's faith in him. And no matter how hard he tried to understand Duo's puzzling psyche, he could never find a satisfying explanation. Duo defied all logic; he didn't fit into any convenient mould. Duo was enigma itself.

_He would not have to wait much longer. _

"Heero!"

At first he thought that his reminiscing had summoned a voice from the past. He razor sharp senses informed him otherwise. She approached from the south, her long tresses and dress billowing in the breeze, bringing forth an image of her silhouette in the moonlight, shielding him from Duo's bullets.

"They told me you had been spotted wandering these beaches."

"Relena."

"Why did you leave?"

"It was time to go."

"Why?"

"I no longer have a purpose."

"You will always have a purpose," she reached forward, lightly grasping his arm. "How can you believe that you are no longer needed?"

"It is the truth."

"Will you come back with me? Stand by my side and protect the peace?"

"No. I was made for war, not for peace."

_His place was not at her side._

"How can you say that? You helped me realize the true path to peace, how everyone plays their own vital role to achieve freedom from war." She was unwavering in her beliefs; she was never swayed by opposing outlooks.

He didn't answer her; he could provide no answer that would placate her views. Instead, he silently watched the rhythmic undulations of the breaking waves. For once she didn't press the issue. Instead she stood quietly next to him, gazing out at the horizon as her honey blonde hair floated lightly on the breeze, fanning out around her like a pair of ethereal wings. He idly wondered what Duo's hair would look like, free from its bindings. Would his tresses swirl around him like a pair of wings? No, he was compelled to believe that Duo's hair would flow around him like an impenetrable cloak of mystery.

_He hated not knowing. _

"Why are you here?" he asked at last.

"We shared an undeniable bond during the war."

He didn't refute her; there was no point in denying the unmistakable truth. "The war is over."

"I know. Does that mean our bond is now broken?" she whispered, her voice barely audible over the howling wind and the crashing waves. "I thought we shared the future as well."

"Our association is over. You no longer need my help."

"But what if I want it?"

"I do not believe in wants, only necessities."

_He needed no ties to his past. _

She sighed bitterly. "Why do you place so little value on your existence?" She pulled a well-thumbed letter from her pocket. "Why did you send this to me?"

He glanced at the well worn note he had attached to the small stuffed bear he had left for her. He had never had a toy like that growing up. He wondered if he would be any different now if he'd had one as a child. The bear's fur was soft and had the same rich colour as Duo's hair.

"It was a parting gift."

She inhaled sharply. "I see. Will I ever see you again?"

"I don't know."

"Do you believe in fate?"

"No. Everything is simply a chain of cause and effect. Nothing is predetermined."

"I believe in fate. And I believe in life defining moments." She shredded the note into ribbons of paper, letting them whirl away on the bitter wind. "Now we've come full circle. I won't ever forget you Heero Yuy. Perhaps we can begin anew when we meet again."

She walked away slowly, making no effort to hide the tears streaming down her face. He watched as she retreated down the shoreline, feeling nothing. When she disappeared from view, he returned his gaze to the crashing waves.

_His wait would be soon over._

The sky began to change colour, vibrant hues reflecting off the water. The beauty of the deep oranges and reds meant nothing to him, what he was waiting for was to come later. He watched dispassionately as the sun made its daily journey below the horizon, its last few rays lighting the horizon on fire. At long last the sun's light was extinguished, leaving the sky in a state of limbo between light and darkness.

Twilight. It was these brief moments he waited for everyday. These brief moments right before the arrival of the night sky, when the stars and the moon would take their thrones in the sky. In these brief moments he could believe that he would once more recapture the enthrallment he had felt all those months ago. It was a moment in time he would never forget, a time when he felt as though he belonged and, more importantly, felt completely free.

With only a breath of nostalgia, twilight vanished; the last vestiges of light overpowered by the darkness. The night was moonless but the stars twinkled brilliantly in the night sky. If he looked carefully, he could glimpse the glow of several of the colonies. It was nothing compared to the night sky he had traveled with Duo as his guide. The night sky offered no answers, the exhilaration he had felt that night far beyond his grasp.

Disenchanted, he turned his back to the ocean and walked away, unmindful of the unforgiving cold, the mournfully wailing wind and the violently crashing waves. Despite night after night of disappointment, he knew that tomorrow would find him once more awaiting the arrival of twilight, awaiting once more the time when he could believe once more, if only for a moment.

_He couldn't escape this feeling of desolation._

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><p><em>AN: Another small vignette in the series. For those of you waiting for Heero and Duo to reunite, please be patient. This series focuses on Heero's journey of contemplation and self-discovery. He will stumble upon the other pilots along the way. Don't worry, Heero will eventually find his way to Duo. <em>

_THANK YOU for the reviews! The response has been amazing! Also, a big thank you to everyone who is reading this! _

_As per usual, I would love to hear what you think of this series. I will try to post the next vignette within a week's time. _


	3. I Screamed Aloud

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Gundam Wing. "Cosmic Love" was written by Florence Welch and Isabella Summers. This is NOT a songfic. No copyright infringement intended.

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><p><em><strong>Cosmic Love: I Screamed Aloud<strong>_

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><p><em>He walked alone. <em>

The snow crunched beneath his feet, his footsteps the sole witnesses to his lonely march. The frigid air stung his exposed skin, staining his nose and cheeks a flush crimson. He had allowed himself a measure of protection from the cold, his worn jacket and scarf fluttered limply behind him in the icy wind. After all, it wouldn't do him any good to get frostbite or fall ill before he reached his destination. Until then, he had nothing but memories to keep him company. He kept his gaze fixed straight ahead, his sight filled with never-ending slopes of white. Sharp blasts of air punctuated the colourless landscape, sweeping up gusts of white clouds that whirled over the fallen snow. It reminded him of the swirling sand dunes he had travelled through not too long ago.

_His soul was barren, void. _

After his run in with Relena, he had run from civilization and thrown himself into the wilderness of Africa. He had no great desire to travel through the African continent; his aim was simply to eliminate the possibility of accidentally running across anyone who would recognize him. He had diligently searched and monitored the area to ensure that anyone he had had extended contact with, or any associates of those individuals, were nowhere in the vicinity. He had failed to take into account Trowa Barton's uncanny ability to seamlessly blend into locale and escape discovery.

_His existence depended on not existing. _

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><p>"<em>What brings you into town?"<em>

_He looked up from where he had been nursing a plain glass of water, now lukewarm from the midday heat. _

"_Barton."_

_Trowa inclined his head, indicating the stool next to him at the currently deserted bar. He shrugged and turned back to his drink, studying his distorted reflection in his glass. Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Trowa took the seat next to him and gestured to the barkeep to bring him a drink. Trowa had retained his gymnasts figure but now his skin was deeply tanned and his face was deeply shadowed with the beginnings of a beard. _

"_How did you find me here?"_

"_It's a small town. The locals have all been talking about the silent stranger who has been bewitched by the sunset. They think you are trying to break some spell." _

"_Spell?"_

"_Yes, they say that each night you are compelled to watch the setting sun yet even the magic of evening sky cannot ease your tortured soul." _

"_Spells do not exist. Neither does magic, it is illogical to believe that it does." _

"_They are a simple people Heero, they have chosen to cast aside the 'artificial' world and return to their roots, to their culture and to their land."_

"_Did Chang send you?"_

"_No, although he is still looking for you, as is Une." _

"_Then why are you here?"_

_Trowa traced the condensation on his glass before taking a leisurely sip of the local brew. "I live here, at least for now." _

_They sat in silence for several long minutes, Trowa leisurely sipping his brew while he clutched his tepid glass in a white knuckled grip. The air was hot and humid, no breeze to offer a measure of relief. Sweat beaded under his hair and trickled slowly down his face and neck. At a signal from Trowa, the barkeep slid another glass towards him, the ice chiming against the glass. He uncurled his fingers from his glass, his body slow to respond in the oppressive heat and transferred his grip to the frosted glass but he did not drink. _

"_There is no record of you here."_

"_I'm known as Triton Bloom now. I'm working with an animal conservation group. The locals help me track and observe the local African lion population."_

"_Why?" he felt compelled to ask. _

"_Lions are easier to deal with than people. They understand a person's true intentions and if you have no fear or malice towards them, they will accept you as you are. They are true to their emotions." _

_He took a sip of his water in lieu of answer; the water was cool against his parched throat. _

"_A wise man once told me to follow my emotions. I wonder what that man's emotions are telling him, if he can even hear them anymore." _

_Violently pushing his water away, he stood from his seat and slid a few credits across the table before storming out of the bar and into the unyielding heat of the afternoon. Trowa made no move to stop him. _

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><p><em>The void was endless. <em>

A particularly violent blast of wind lifted a layer of snow from the ground, causing sparkling flowers of ice to whirl savagely around his solitary form. He stopped for a moment to wipe the stinging snowflakes from his eyes, and took a moment to gaze at the frozen terrain. Icy tendrils of wind rushed across the snow covered landscape, stirring up the snow to race along the ground like silvery waves, a vast and never-ending ocean of snow and ice. Far in the distance, he could make three shadows moving slowly against the wind. A hulking body of a polar bear lumbered in the lead while her two cubs tumbled along in her wake, shielded from the cruel wind by larger form.

_Traveling as a group was a liability, a weakness. _

A stray ray of sun broke through the overcast sky, causing all that it touched to sparkle dazzlingly with tiny specks of colour. Steadily, additional beams of sunlight broke free from the suffocating confines of gray to set the landscape afire, a blinding display of light before the sun would once again be forced below the horizon. Raising a chapped and dry hand to shield himself from the blinding glare, his mind was forced back to another time when he had held is hand in front of his eyes to shield himself from the light.

_Light brought Death. _

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><p><em>The world was bathed in blood as the sun slowly approached her diurnal demise. Naked trees stretched their jagged arms to the sky in a macabre plea for deliverance. Long shoots of wild grass stood silent sentinel, unmoving in the still air. The heat was oppressing, the sweat rolling down his back the only moisture in the parched land. The earth cracked beneath his feet, shrivelled and arid; her ability to mother sucked dry by the heat. <em>

_He could never escape the carnage. _

_Not even the most nightmarish of panoramas could last forever. The crimson stain on the landscape soon bled away to be replaced by darkened hues of blue. A soft breeze drifted across the landscape, smoothing over the wound left in the sun's wake. The land cooled from a blazing inferno and crickets chirped, welcoming the night. _

_Still, he waited. _

_The moon rose against the darkened sky, her silvery light a soft contrast to the sun's fiery rays. The stars too twinkled into existence, gleaming jewels in the sky. _

"_The night sky is so much clearer here, away from any major cities." _

_He stiffened. He hadn't sensed Trowa's approach._

_He hadn't ever sensed *his* approach either, unless *he* wanted him to. _

"_Are you following me?" he gritted out, his hands clenching into fists, feeling his calluses curl against his dry and cracked palms. _

"_Perhaps," Trowa responded smoothly. "I wanted to see what it is you come to see every night." _

_His shoulders stiffened but he didn't respond._

"_I don't think you've found what you're looking for. Maybe the locals are right, maybe you are under some spell." _

_He clenched his fists tighter and gritted his teeth. _

"_I hear the Northern Lights are worth seeing this time of year. Take care Heero." Soft footsteps marked Trowa's departure. _

_Somewhere in the distance, a lion roared. _

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><p><em>Aurora borealis<em>, he came to seek her mysteries tonight but she had yet to make an appearance. Instead, he was left in this barren landscape, waiting, trying to block the memories of a battle that took place among ice and snow. A pointless battle yet one he would continue to fight nevertheless.

_There was no escape. _

The Lightening Count: the son of a pacifist, fighting to show the ugliness of war. The future Queen of the World: the daughter of the same pacifist, calling to him to kill her long-lost brother. And him, a nameless boy from the colonies, thrown into their midst, fighting because it was all he knew, his only purpose.

_Again and again, like a moth to the flame, he would be drawn into their struggle for peace._

A soft hush fell over the land, even the wind stilled. Something was about to happen.

And suddenly ribbons of light appeared to dance along the darkened sky. He could hear soft echoes, like the tinkling of chimes, an ethereal melody accompanying the dancing waves of light above him. A pale green undulated into white and then to a rosy ruby. The ruby waves intensified, dyeing the sky a deep violet.

Something inside him snapped and bubbled to the surface, the pressure overwhelming, unstoppable in its intensity. Years of training stood powerless and crumbled against the onslaught of emotion that crashed over him.

_There was no one to hear his tortured scream._

The scream ripped from his throat, a primal roar wrenched from his soul and directed at the dancing spirits in the sky above him, the violet of the sky silent and unwavering in the face of his collapse.

_Like a moth to the flame. He was not drawn to peace. What called to him was war and death. _

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><p><em>AN: And I'm back! Sorry for the long delaybreak in updating. Long story short, my life turned upside down in August and now I have a lot less time for writing. Florence + The Machine's new album dropped recently and its AMAZING! Totally inspired again. I definitely recommend giving it a listen! Stay posted for the next chapter, I hope to have it up before the end of the month!_

_ Thanks again for the reviews! They really help me focus my writing and motivate me to write more!  
><em>


	4. Blind

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gundam Wing. "Cosmic Love" was written by Florence Welch and Isabella Summers. This is NOT a songfic. No copyright infringement intended.

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><p><em><strong>Cosmic Love: Blind<strong>_

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><p><em>He was floating.<em>

A shrill beeping filled the air, a constant and steady beat. The sharp sting of chemicals stung his nose. Needles pricked the soft flesh of his inner arms.

_He was surrounded by white._

He cracked his eyes open, the bright fluorescent lights causing him to flinch and turn his head to the side. There was a slight hitch in the shrill beeping, an acceleration.

_He could hear his heart beating._

He closed his eyes, forcing his body to calm, to slow his heartbeat. He evened his breaths but his heart-rate remained stubbornly elevated.

_All his training, all his skills, they were crumbling to dust. _

He clenched his hands into fists and took a deep breath, drawing out the exhale as long as he could. The shrill beeping continued to race at an agitated pace, obstinately refusing to obey his commands to slow.

_He was losing control._

"I see that you're awake."

On instinct, he pushed himself up, ignoring the prickling pain in his arms and spun towards the voice, his eyes struggling to open in the harsh light.

"Calm yourself," a warm and firm hand landed on his shoulder, pushing him back to lie against the crisp sheets and pillows. He squinted at his surroundings, taking in the stark whiteness of the walls, the ceiling, his bed.

_He was vulnerable._

Fighting against the iron grip on his shoulder, he forced his reluctant eyes open, peering at the hazy form at his side. The voice was familiar, but he couldn't force his blurry vision to clear.

"Be still, you are in no condition to be moving around just yet." The hand on his shoulder pulled back slightly but its warmth remained.

_He'd shunned human touch for so long._

"Wh… where?" he croaked past his dry throat.

A straw was pressed to his chapped lips, cool water flowing down his throat, tinged with the faint coppery taste of blood.

_He was injured_.

"You are at the Peace Memorial Hospital in Sanq," the familiar voice returned.

_His buried memories were bubbling to the surface._

The figure next to the bed remained blurred but the memory finally slid into place. "Chang?"

"Yes. It has been a while."

Once again he struggled to focus his blurred vision but the world around him remained enveloped in a haze, his heartbeat increasing another notch.

_His vision was deserting him. _

"I… I…" he gasped, unwilling to voice his fears.

"You were dangerously close to the blast and suffered a serious blow to the head. The doctors are confident that there is no permanent damage, the blurry vision and headaches will fade with time." Wufei's voice was thin and worn.

_He could feel the scorching heat, see the blinding flash. _

"To think that I spent all these months looking for you and you were in Sanq all along… or did you follow the terrorists here?" Wufei's voice was tinged with exasperated amusement.

_He needed to get away, to make his escape_.

He struggled once again to push himself out of the bed but Wufei's solid grip returned to push him back down.

"I can't stay, I have to leave!" he gasped.

"You're in no condition to go anywhere Yuy," Wufei growled. "Rest and let your body heal."

"I can't…" he continued to protest but Wufei cut him off.

"Une doesn't know that you're here, neither does Relena. Only Sally and I know of your involvement, and we've made sure that your stay here will be anonymous and untraceable."

_He was trapped._

"But… why?"

Wufei sighed. "I received a message from Barton a few months ago, telling me to give up the search. He said it was unjust for us to try and bring you back for our own selfish reasons. He also said that you would return when you were needed, but that we were never meant to keep you."

"…Barton?"

"Yes, and I give you my word that I will follow his advice. You are safe here. Rest and regain your strength. If you will allow it, I will return in a few days."

_He had nowhere else to be._

Soft footsteps trudged away from his beside, a door slid open and a rush of sound flooded the room: hurried footsteps, the chatter of nurses and the echo of gurneys being whisked efficiently down the hall. The door slid closed with a soft click and he was left alone to the steady beep of the heart monitor.

_He could hear his heartbeat._

* * *

><p><em>He was detached from the world outside<em>.

The world outside his window was green, white and blue. Every day he had gazed out the window, squinting his eyes and slowly blurry colours slowly sharpened into shapes he could recognize. Green sharpened into trees, the lawns and shrubs surrounding the hospital and its adjacent buildings. White sharpened into the ornate buildings of Sanq, the marks of war no longer blemishing their milky stone facades. The fog dissipated from the clear skies leaving unending blue dotted with soft frothy clouds.

_He did not belong here._

* * *

><p>"I wanted to apologize." Wufei sat stiff-backed in the chair across from his bed.<p>

He didn't reply but silently studied the former pilot. Gone was the haunted look in his eyes from when he had last faced him in battle. His countenance remained stern, his posture unyielding but the heavy burden he had shouldered throughout the wars seemed to have lessened.

"My actions…" Wufei began only to falter. Steeling himself, he continued. "My part in the Mariemaia uprising was cowardly and despicable. I never got a chance to apologize… and to thank you."

"Thank me?"

"Yes," Wufei stood from his chair and bowed stiffly. "I wanted to thank you for showing me the errors of my ways. After the Eve Wars, I had lost my purpose. You returned that purpose to me."

He gazed out the window for a few moments before replying. "I don't need your apologies or your gratitude."

"I- I see…" Wufei stammered before uncertainly reclaiming his seat.

He returned to face his uncomfortable visitor. "Have you found your purpose with the Preventers?."

Wufei inclined his head. "It is a just organization. The work is hard, but I believe I can atone for my failings."

His answer was blunt. "I'm not joining."

Wufei nodded. "I had already deduced as much. As had Barton. Did you meet him Africa?"

"Yes. You knew he was there?"

"I traced his message. He made no real effort for hide his location. You were already long gone and he had already refused Une's offer."

"I'm surprised she even made an offer."

A small laugh escaped Wufei. "Yes, it would have been a tense situation. But the organization couldn't disregard Barton's skills, Une especially."

"What of the others? Quatre?"

"The others?" Wufei raised a brow. "Quatre is on L4, rebuilding the colonies and his family business."

"Une didn't make him an offer?"

"No," Wufei sighed. "Quatre is a brilliant strategist but I fear fighting in the wars has harmed his psyche. He was never meant to take up arms, he is too kind for his own good. To continue to fight would be to kill him."

He clenched his fistfuls of his crisp white bedding. "And Duo?"

"Une felt he was too unpredictable and undisciplined. She saw him more as a risk than an asset."

"What do you think?"

Wufei smiled faintly. "Maxwell is a fearsome pilot and it was an honour to fight alongside him but I agreed with her."

"Why?"

"You remember how he was when we were in that cell on the moon." Wufei sighed. "He was incredibly perceptive though, especially when it came to you."

He glanced at Wufei sharply. "What do you mean?"

Wufei shifted uncomfortably. "We all idolized you during the wars. Your strength was so incomparable that we saw nothing but the soldier. But Maxwell… he was never fooled. I'll never forget that time when you went to retrieve Relena from White Fang. Maxwell worried for your safety. He told us: 'Heero's human too, just like the rest of us'."

The taste of blood was acrid on his tongue.

_He was human, he had weaknesses too._

* * *

><p>"I hear the doctors have given you a clean bill of health."<p>

He looked up from where he had been packing his meagre belongings to see Wufei standing in the doorway.

"Where are you going? If you would allow me, I will arrange for transport."

"Why? So you can keep track of me?"

Wufei sighed, his posture weary. "No. Regard it as gratitude for helping prevent the terrorists from completing their agenda."

His hands paused in their motions, considering.

Wufei took a deep breath and continued. "And as a parting gift… from a friend."

He briskly zipped up the duffle and slung it over his shoulder. Facing his former comrade, he nodded. "Accepted."

* * *

><p>He stared out the small shuttle window, watching as the earth shrunk below him. Greens, whites and blue swirled along her surface, a bright contrast against the darkness of space. He shifted his gaze to the moon, her surface pock-marked and dull. He could almost make out the remnants of the base, see the deep furrows created by Deathscythe and Altron as they fled the base.<p>

He looked past the moon towards the colonies, their large metal bodies slowly orbiting the earth. And there furthest away, suspended against a backdrop of stars hung the battered shell of L2.

_He was waiting._

* * *

><p><em>AN: Ok... so I've been away for quite a while. It was hard getting back into the mindset of this story, and even harder to write Wufei. Mostly dialogue for this vignette but that's just the way the story took me so... yeah. Thanks for reading and reviews are very much appreciated!<em>


	5. I Made a Map

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Gundam Wing. "Cosmic Love" was written by Florence Welch and Isabella Summers. This is NOT a songfic. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Cosmic Love: I Made a Map<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>He was surrounded by the unfamiliar.<em>

The asphalt beneath his feet was black and smooth, its pitch black colour denoting a freshly-laid road. Concrete and steel columns stretched towards the colony sky, their smooth grey exteriors unblemished by war. It was a far cry from the broken rubble he remembered from his first and only visit to a war-torn L2 as a child.

_His childhood memories were few and far between. _

He didn't remember much of his visit. Only that it had been raining steadily; an attempt by desperate colony officials to quell the fires and wash away the sickening odour of disease, decay and death. He could remember no distinct location, only jagged rows of rusted iron bars protruding from the debris of crushed buildings and gaping craters that exposed the charred underbelly of the colony. Everything looked the same, broken, dying or dead.

_He could hardly remember._

He had come here with an assassin named Odin. Somewhere, deep in the recesses of his memories, he held a vague recollection of once calling that man 'father'. He couldn't remember the man's face, only the large callused hand that held his and the smell of gunpowder. He remembered a woman too, the soft floral scent of her perfume and the deep blue of her eyes. She hadn't come with them to L2, she had disappeared long before that. Odin had carried a picture of her, worn and creased. Her smile had seemed so sad when he held her photo in his small, blood-stained hands.

_He cut all ties to his past._

He had pulled her well-thumbed picture from Odin's pocket the same day he had pried the gun from Odin's cold, dead hand. He'd burned the photograph and used the gun to kill a nameless Alliance soldier. It didn't pay to keep reminders of the past. He wondered what _his_ smile would look like; if it would dampen when he held it in his tarnished hands.

_He never looked back. _

He turned down another nondescript street and wondered if he was lost. All the buildings, the streets, even the people looked the same; artificial and mundane. There was no lush greenery to break the monotonous succession of concrete and steel, no blue to brighten the sky. This was a far cry from Earth, a poor mimicry of what was once called home. There was no life, no colour, only grey.

_His world of black and white had blended into grey. _

This place was everything _he _was not. He began to doubt his decision to come to this unrecognizable colony. Yet he continued to walk, his faded yellow shoes scraping against the pavement.

_His body felt heavy. _

The towering height of the buildings began to decrease, lessening the feeling of enclosure. Looking up, he could see more of the steel ceiling of the colony. Apparently the reconstruction hadn't progressed to the installation of an artificial sky. It didn't matter to him, no sky could compare to the one he had seen with _him_.

_He couldn't recover what was lost. _

He stopped in front of nondescript square building, indistinguishable from the surrounding buildings. He stepped through the open doorway and into an empty and disorganized office. Teetering stacks of paper covered the lone desk; miscellaneous pieces of salvaged electronic parts cluttered the shelves. At a loss, he stood dumbly in the middle of all the disorder.

_He had lost all direction._

"I can help you out back!" a woman's voice called.

Following the voice he found himself in the back lot of the building. He froze, disregarding the mountains of scrap metal, the pile of engine parts and zeroing in on the skeletal remains of decommissioned mobile suit. Although the suit had been stripped bare, he could still identify it as a Leo. Even without its weapons, the metal Cyclopes cut an imposing figure. Clenching his hand into a tight fist, he fought to supress the wave of memories.

_He was defenceless._

Marching lines of army green, the thundering sound of advancing metal, the rattling sound of bullets, they were still so clear in his mind. The raging orange of fire that devoured everything in its path, terrified screams of soldiers and civilians and his hands, his blood-stained hands gripping the well-worn plastic of his controls. He could never forget, the images would never fade.

_He couldn't escape._

"…you isn't it? I can't believe it! Duo said you would come although he never did say when, that cheeky bastard… hey! Are you ok? Are you listening?"

_His past would never let go._

He snapped back into the present and focused on the woman staring at him in concern. She was energetic and loud, just like _him._

"You brought us the schematics for Libra," he stated dumbly when he finally recognized her.

"Huh? What, well yeah…"

"Thank you." He couldn't think of what else to say.

_He was struggling to grasp reality._

She started at him dumbfounded, hands on hips and her eyes flashing. Distantly, he realized that her eyes were blue, a darker shade than Relena's but just as defiant. Those eyes had been closed the first and last time he had seen her.

"Umm… you're welcome or whatever. Duo did say you were a little strange but…"

_He was searching._

"Where is he?"

"Huh, Duo? Oh he's not here, hasn't been here for a while-"

Her chattering became a faint buzzing in his ears. _He_ was gone. _He _said he would wait. _He_ never lied, did he?

_He was adrift. _

"Hello! Hey! Are you sure you're ok?" She was waving a piece of paper in front of his face, a deep frown on her face.

"What?"

"I was saying," she huffed impatiently, "that you can find him at the old shipyard. Here, I've drawn you a map." She shoved the piece of paper into his hand.

"He's still on L2?"

"Of course. He's been waiting for you , God knows why. Anyways, it's not too far from here. You can walk it easy… who am I kidding, you could probably walk across the entire colony without breaking a sweat!"

"Understood, I will go."

She gave him another odd look before shrugging and waving him off. "Tell him I say 'hi' and to pick up his scrap within the week or I'm gonna sell it to the highest bidder."

_He could never find the words._

He left the scrapyard without another word. He never understood the need for stringing endless streams of words together. They were alike, that girl and him, always bubbling over with words.

He studied the crudely drawn lines before discarding the map. He had no more need for it. With even steps he headed towards his new destination, the endless grey around him unchanging.

_He could not rest._

He slowed to a halt as he reached his destination, the gravel crunching under his feet. He stood in an arena littered with metal hulls, some flight-worthy, others grounded permanently. The vessels varied in size, from behemoth-sized transport ships to small man-sized craft.

_He no longer had wings._

And there in front of him, crouched next to a battered ship's exposed engine, was a recognizable figure. Hearing his footsteps, the figure rose to face him, wiping his hands on grease-stained coveralls. A wide grin blossomed across his boyish face and a familiar laugh echoed across the distances between them.

"Took ya long enough!"

_He was surrounded by the familiar._

"Duo."

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><p><em>AN: So... an update after... forever. I can't believe I let this lapse for so long. Just never enough time to write these days. I'm on a writing kick right now so I decided to push this out along with my other two stories. Not too sure I'm happy with this chapter and the one before it but I think I'll leave revisions for when I actually finish. Not much left for this story, 2 more chapters max. <em>

_Anyways, thanks for reading and leaving reviews! I'm touched by how many people have reviewed and seem to like this style of story. To be honest, its a struggle to maintain this lyrical-type style but the feedback has been a great motivator!_

_I know it's been a while but I hope you'll keep reading and (hopefully) enjoying this fic!_


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